Centerfold
by princesspooka
Summary: Severus gets a little surprise when he confiscates a magazine from some boys at Hogwarts. He gets an even bigger surprise when the centerfold comes to teach beside him.  AU story.  Originally posted on .  Back from a very long hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

Hope you like. Set four years after Hermione graduates. Reviews welcome, very much so. Good and bad. I'd like your ideas for improvement, since you'll be the ones reading it, it makes sense to write something that both you and I can enjoy.

DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER! I own none of the HP characters, places, events, etc. They are all J.K. Rowlings' property. Anyway, I have nothing, so it would be useless to sue me. You'd get a lot of...nothing. Because I have that. In abundance.

Also! Attention! Those of you, who don't want spoiler-type stuff, don't read this. HBP and perhaps the last installment spoilers are contained in this fanfic. You've been welcomed, disclaimered, and warned.

So, here goes...

Chapter 1

Excellent, thought Professor Severus Snape as he stalked down the corridor on his way from the library. He hadn't given a detention in ages (was it just his imagination or had the students become decidedly...well, dull since the graduation of a few of his students 5 years ago?) and the small cluster of 5th year boys huddled behind that suit of armor were definitely up to something. His gut told him it was something that would land at least one detention for the unsuspecting dolts. Really, trying to hide something in such a well-traversed hallway as this was nearly impossible. Severus smiled darkly as the boys started when his shadow fell over them.

"Mr. Pillix, you will give whatever you are all staring so intently at to me, this instant. Do NOT try to scoot off, Mr. Dravnor!"

Pillix appeared to have been stupefied and the other four looked decidedly green. Severus was holding his hand out, waiting. Finally, Pillix, trembling, gave what he was clutching to Snape. Severus did not look at it straightaway. Instead he sneered at the boys.

"Ten points each from Ravenclaw, Mr. Pillix, Mr. Clorbond and Mr. Jarvis; ten points each from Hufflepuff, Mr. Frakes and Mr. Dravnor. Loitering in the halls with-"

Severus had looked down at the object in his hands and felt the wind knocked out of him. Hermione Granger stared up at him from the pages of the magazine. And she was staring up at him with fire and lust in her eyes. And, she was most definitely not wearing a stitch of clothing. Definitely not, he thought as he let his gaze travel over those long legs, that trim waist, those perfect breasts, and then back down to that hot, tight, wet-  
Severus jerked his eyes from the pictures in front of him.

"Where - did - you - get - this?"

The question was asked in a dangerously quiet voice. The boys trembled. Pillix, looking as if he were going to vomit, cleared his throat.

"Professor...er, well...that is...it's mine, Sir. My brother sent it to me, and...I'm so sorry, Professor, Sir. I just-"

Snape cut him off with a look.

"Another fifty points from Ravenclaw, and you, Pillix, will be serving detention with Mr. Filch on Thursday evening. You will receive further instructions from him. Now, all of you listen well. If I ever find anything of this sort in Hogwarts ever again, you will dearly regret it. Get out of my sight, all of you!"

They all scrambled away, terrified. Severus looked after them until they were gone, then he looked back to Miss Granger. She was licking her lips at him from the pages in his hands. She crooked her finger at him as she lounged on a bed, her knees bent, slightly spread so that he could see the merest glistening of her slit. She ran her fingers down her torso, playing with her hard pink nipples in another shot. In yet another, she threw her head back as one hand clutched the headboard while her other hand worked furiously on her...  
Severus realized that he was doing much the same thing those immature schoolboys had done. He slapped the magazine shut and read the title.

"PlayWizard."

Severus had seen the skin magazine in various bookshops, and had always snorted in derision at the thought of the clumsy-fingered oafs grasping at its pages. He had had no desire to look upon the nude forms or loose witches. And now, here was Miss Granger, Hermione, his former student, posing in the filthy publication. He was so furious he was shaking as he stalked to his chambers. But then, she had always infuriated him. He threw the offending magazine onto a chair as he passed through his library. He was furious. But why? Hadn't he always disliked Granger? Hated having her hand up, always ready to answer his questions? Abhorred being in the same room with her? So, why should the anger he felt about the pictures in that horrid skin mag feel different than the anger he felt because she knew absolutely everything? The feelings had begun to change and become decidedly worse in her 7th year. She had grown taller, had changed her hair (it had looked most definitely un-pouf-ball-like), and had begun to fill out quite nicely...  
And her arrogance had grown just as quickly. She had stopped showing even the slightest hint that she feared him, had started sassing him in class, as well as in passing, and he had had to restrain himself from throwing her over his knee and throttling her. Oh, how he would have enjoyed the expression on her face as he lifted her school robes and brought his hand down on her tight round buttocks.  
Severus was feeling a bit warm. Also, a bit constricted. He didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed at the knock on his door. He went to answer it, and pulling it open, saw Professor Dumbledore standing on the threshold.

"Not interrupting, am I, Severus?"

He swept inside, not waiting for a reply. Severus realized, belatedly, that the issue of "PlayWizard" was still on the chair. Dumbledore had picked it up.

"Did you see Miss Granger's spread, then? Came as quite a shock, but she did seem to be getting quite rebellious in year seven. Can't say I'm surprised that her rebellious streak is still going strong. She needs it, being an Auror."

Snape looked dumbstruck that Professor Albus Dumbledore had read "PlayWizard." Dumbledore continued.

"Just dropped in to let you know that we've found a suitable replacement to teach your Potions classes so that you can give your full attention to Defense Against the Dark Arts."

There was that damned twinkle in Albus's eye. Severus, still a bit shocked, looked at Dumbledore warily.

"Who is it?"

"Miss Granger. Isn't that a bit ironic, Severus?"

Snape decided then and there that Dumbledore's "twinkle" was most definitely evil.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all of your reviews! I hope you continue to read. Let me know what you think! Also, I've made some changes to the original that was posted elsewhere. So, if you've read this before, I've tweaked it a bit.

Chapter 2

"Miss Granger? Teach Potions? Come now, you're joking."

Albus merely cocked his head to the side and smiled at Severus.

"Now, Severus, why would I joke about something as serious as Potions? Indeed, I would think you of all people would be pleased to hear that you will be leaving the post in such capable hands."

Severus was distracted at the mention of "capable hands." He imagined hers would be quite capable of performing any task he asked her to perform. Where had that come from? He despised Granger, and her most recent act disgusted him.

"How do you think parents will feel knowing that their children are being taught by a-"

"A what, Professor? A Mudblood?"

Severus had not heard her enter, and Albus had just gone on smiling. He was definitely plotting something. Perhaps he wanted a little entertainment after the past four boring, uneventful years at Hogwarts. He turned and sneered at her. The sneer faltered a bit as he saw her, though. She had certainly grown up. His eyes strayed from her gleaming (and noticeably less frizzy) tawny waves to her fiery eyes. They were green. He frowned. Her eyes had been brown the last time he'd seen her. They had been just as angry, so at least that hadn't changed. Her long dark lashes enhanced the slight upward slant of her eyes, reminding him of a cat. She was wearing a tailored white button down shirt. It looked as though she had missed a few buttons as he could see a bit of pink lace peeking out near the valley of her breasts. Her perfectly plump breasts. He felt himself stir as he noticed the shirt tucked into her fitted black trousers. Her small waist flared out to her trim hips and legs encased in some very flattering pants. They skimmed over her pert little bum and flared a bit over her wicked looking heels. Her small feet were encased in red peep-toe pumps that did not look like they were worn for comfort at all. Severus absently noted that the polish on her toes matched the lacy bra she was wearing. At least he was still much taller than her, he mused. He looked at her face again and realized her lovely lips were smirking. He had been staring for some time, apparently. He drew himself up ramrod straight and scowled fiercely.

"I assure you, Miss Granger, your parentage has nothing to do with my doubts about you becoming Potions Mistress."

"Then what, pray tell, is causing these doubts?"

She had looked puzzled at first, but now she just looked curious at his statement. Severus snatched the copy of "PlayWizard" off of the chair and slapped it down onto the table next to her. She looked at it askance.

"I really don't see what your questionable reading material has to do with my teaching abilities."

Severus's scowl grew darker as he opened the magazine to her photos. She looked down and gaped.

"That is why you are unsuitable for the position."

A few visions of her in different positions flitted through his mind.

"Parents will hardly want a hussy teaching their children."

Hermione suddenly laughed. Dumbledore just waited silently. Severus wondered if he should offer him popcorn and soda. Then Hermione began to speak.

"Where on earth did you get this, Snape? It's really quite remarkable. I can barely see the difference."

"What are you talking about? Are you denying that you are the centerfold in this magazine? That is ridiculous. It looks exactly like you!"

Hermione glanced at him from beneath her lashes.

"You know what I look like without my clothes on? You must have abused your Head of House powers far more than I had realized to gain that kind of information."

Snape hissed angrily.

"Then who is it, Granger?"

"Not sure. But I do know it isn't me. See? No tattoo, for one. I have one on my hip. I also have my belly button pierced, and the girl in these pictures does not. Looks to me like someone did some splicing of my head onto someone else's body. She's a little too tall to be me, I think. Nice job, overall, but anyone who's seen me naked could tell you it's not me there. I'll call Ron and have him send someone to ask around over at "PlayWizard." How much could I get out of them, I wonder?"

She was looking into space. Severus was thinking about her tattoo. Albus clapped his hands smartly.

"Well, since Hermione is not actually the witch in these pictures, we should have no problem once the actual culprit is found. Severus, I'll leave you to help Professor Granger get her things ready. So glad to have you back, Hermione. You're looking smashing by the way."

He winked and left. Hermione waved and Severus scowled.

"Professor Granger still sounds a bit strange to me."

"Why would someone wish to pretend to be you in that magazine?"

It came out rather like he thought she was revolting. He did. Didn't he?

"Really, Snape, I'm not vain about my looks, but I'm not exactly a troll. Even you noticed that."

She smiled at his furious face and clenched fists. She hardly had to do anything to rile him. This was going to be great fun.

"I suspect it's because I have refused to date a certain wizard. Has a lot of stock in everything under the sun. I wouldn't be surprised if "PlayWizard" was a publication he had some investments in. The fact that a little Muggle-born witch refused him didn't sit too well with him. So, how did you come by this copy?"

"I confiscated it from a group of 5th years. Why did you come back? Being an Auror not all it's cracked up to be, Miss Granger?"

He smirked when he saw her smile falter. Her eyes, which had been green earlier, turned a turbulent shade of grey.

"It's Professor now, not Miss. Professor or Hermione, take your pick. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go unpack and see about the Potions room."

Hermione turned to leave, but after witnessing the terrible sadness that had been on her face an instant before she masked it, Severus stopped her.

"I'll come with you, Granger."

She looked at him, impassive, and then nodded once.

"If you wish."

And they headed to the Potions room, both lost in their own thoughts, both more than a little confused. They had walked for a few minutes before Hermione spoke.

"I imagine that you are pleased to have retained the position of DADA Professor. It appears, however, that the curse on the instructor of that particular subject has been transferred to Potions. Four instructors in four years. You haven't done anything, have you, Severus?"

His usual frown deepened.

"Professor Snape would be more suitable, Granger. And no, I haven't put a curse on the teaching position of the Potions class."

They continued to walk, he scowling, his cloak billowing behind him, she glancing about interestedly, her heels clicking on the stone floor.

"Well, that's good to hear, even if I am only here in a temporary capacity. And if I'm calling you "Professor Snape," I'll expect the same courtesy from you."

"You would like me to address you as "Professor Snape?""

She glared at him.

"Certainly not! Honestly, I can't say that I know a woman on earth who would like your name attached to her title."

Two spots of color appeared high on his pale cheeks. Hermione looked quite cheerful at his reaction.

"Here we are at last. I trust everything is as it was when I was here last?"

Snape nodded.

"Why are you here only temporarily?"

He had spoken before he could stop himself. She looked surprised. Well, so was he. It was because he could see her lacy under things. He would blame his confusion on that.

"Professor Dumbledore and I have been corresponding since I left Hogwarts. I let him know I was willing to help should the need arise. It did, so here I am."

"There is more to it, Granger. What about the Aurors? Last I heard, you and Longbottom were teamed up. Won't he need you to fix all of his mistakes?"

Severus sneered at her. It faded when he realized the sadness was back in her eyes. Her face was white and strained. She spoke haltingly, as if it were difficult to form the right words.

"I wouldn't have expected you to know. Only a few do. The Ministry didn't want to spread panic."

Her mouth trembled. He felt a strange urge to touch her. He quickly squashed it.

"Neville was found at his grandmother's three days ago. He was quite mad. The Cruciatus Curse does that sometimes. Or perhaps his family is just more susceptible to it. In any case, his grandmother was dead. The best we could do was to take him to St. Mungo's."

Snape stared at her. The Cruciatus? But that meant...It couldn't. The Mark had not reappeared in the slightest.

"Who?"

She shrugged helplessly, a sad smile on her lips.

"No one knows. With Voldemort gone, someone could have decided to try where he had failed. Starting with Aurors was a good idea, I must say. With us gone, so is the protection."

"Then why have you left your duties? Isn't that-?"

"Think, Severus! If I am here, I can protect so many more. Hogwarts is my home, and I will protect all who call it the same."

Severus looked as if he wanted to say more, but Hermione continued to speak.

"And I never want to hear you speak Neville's name again. He is a brave and honorable and selfless. He tried to save his grandmother at the cost of his sanity, and to me, one Neville Longbottom is worth more than one hundred Severus Snapes."

She turned on her heel, strode into the classroom and slammed the door in his face. Snape stood dumbstruck where she had left him. He could feel the anger roiling in his stomach, along with another emotion. What was it? Well, whatever it was, she had caused it. He was seething as he stormed back to his chambers. If the faint nausea was any indication, being in Hermione Granger's presence still sickened him, Professor or no. However, he stubbornly refused to examine why.


	3. Chapter 3

I absolutely love getting all of your reviews. Here you go then. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Hermione went about unpacking quickly. Since it was Friday, she had all weekend, but she wanted to get her office and classroom in order so she could plan her lessons. She surveyed the classroom. She wouldn't really need to do much here. Well, perhaps a bit more light. With a flick of her wand the dreary classroom grew bright and nearly cheerful. This was due, in large part, to the fact that the torches on the walls had been replaced by wall sconces. There were also groupings of lights over the lab tables to ensure that her students would be able to see what they were doing. A few rugs here and there, some refinishing on the tables, cabinets and her desk, and it was a whole new room. It had warmth that it had previously lacked. A gloomy poorly lit dungeon might have suited Severus Snape, but Hermione preferred comfort to creating an aura of intimidation and dankness. She would finish unpacking, and then she would go to dinner, snarky Snape be damned.

Meanwhile, Severus was brooding in front of his fireplace. In the space of a few hours, Granger had managed to make him feel like the "greasy git" people had always referred to him as. This was something that no other student, former or present, had managed. He had actually felt bad about goading her. He shook his head. No matter. He'd be back to normal in no time. This had only been a little slip- up and it would never happen again. He got up and went to his bookshelves to do a bit of reading before going to the Great Hall for dinner. "PlayWizard" caught his eye as he passed the end table it was laying on. It was still open to Hermione's (or rather, someone pretending to be Hermione) spread. Severus paused, glancing around him, as if expecting someone to be hiding in the shadows ready to jump out if he picked it up. He went over and lifted the magazine off of the table.

"I'm just going to read the articles," he said aloud.

He went back to his chair by the fire and began to peruse one of the articles. He snorted in disdain and flipped the page. This continued for a bit. Then, suddenly, Granger was staring up at him again. And, as Severus watched her fingers slipping in and out of her soaking wet slit, he felt his manhood spring to life. Groaning, he closed his eyes.

"It is Hermione Granger. You despise her. She is a know-it-all. She is annoying beyond belief."

Trying to talk his problem down didn't help. Neither did closing his eyes. He kept seeing her, naked, touching herself. She was touching herself for him as he sat in his chair and watched. He stood up and strode over to the bed, his bed. She smiled at him. He put one knee on the bed and leaned down...

With a muttered oath, he stood, threw the porno into the fire and stalked (a bit awkwardly) to his bathroom for a cold shower.

Hermione had forgotten that the Potions professor sat next to the DADA professor. Apparently, so had Snape. His brows snapped together when he saw her sitting beside his empty chair. Then he swept up onto the dais and sneered as he pulled his chair out from the table and sat. Hermione ignored him. She continued talking to Professor Flitwick. Severus was helping himself to the platters in front of him. He was eating a lot tonight. How on earth did he stay so thin? High metabolism, I suspect, Hermione thought to herself. He probably exercised, too. I bet he's a runner. She could just picture him running, sweating, breathing hard... She suddenly felt very warm.

"Miss Granger, I do not like it when people stare at me while I'm eating."

Hermione blushed and looked away.

"It's Professor, Severus. Professor Granger. Can you say that?"

She looked at him as though he were a child and she his nursery teacher. He was fuming. However, his mouth was full of mashed potatoes so he couldn't say anything just yet without spraying them all over the place. She stood, quite suddenly.

"If you would come to my office after you've finished, Severus, I'd like to discuss my lesson plan. Please bring your lessons for Potions, as well. I'll see you then."

She turned and marched out of the Great Hall. Severus still had a gob of potatoes in his mouth. Why had he taken such a huge sodding bite? It was enormous. He swallowed, finally. Then he decided, to take his time with his meal. Let Granger wait on him. The little know-it-all. Had he been mistaken, or had her eyes resumed their normal chocolaty brown color when she had been silently laughing at the huge amount of potatoes in his mouth? He much preferred her natural eye color. It complemented her skin very well. Her light golden tan and her tawny hair. And he was thinking entirely too much about her for someone he was supposed to dislike immensely. Sullen, he shoved more taters in his mouth and scowled out at the students. Several first-year Gryffindors had been looking at him. They panicked when they saw him looking back, and knocked over their glasses of pumpkin juice. Snape smiled grimly. He still affected some people. Granger was just...stubborn. And I should stop thinking about her. She's too annoying to think about. More potatoes. He really did like these potatoes. They were quite good. He would think about that, until he had to go to Granger's office.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, I know my last update was a wussy chapter. I had to get them back together, but not too soon, ya know what I mean? I'm still trying to develop more of a story. In some of my stories, the characters have this animalistic passion right away. Here, they need to work out what they are actually feeling. I know its slow going, but I promise you'll be happy in the end...and so will they. *winkwinknudgenudge* Also, I was hungry when I wrote that last chapter, and I love potatoes lol!

Chapter 4

Approximately three and a half hours later, Severus made his way down to his former office. He smiled grimly as he pictured Granger, sitting at his old desk, waiting for him to come down. She was going to be extremely upset. He had taken his sweet time eating those delicious spuds, and then he had graded his 6th years' parchments on hexes (something that could have waited until tomorrow night), done a bit of laundry and handed his detention list to Filch. Severus almost felt giddy when he thought of the tantrum Granger was going to throw. And she would, because she was fiery and passionate, but mostly she was impatient and enjoyed getting her own way. Severus paused outside the Potions classroom before opening the door. He frowned. No lights on, and the door to the office was shut, with no light peeping from beneath the door. Where was she? It wouldn't be any fun if he couldn't see her reaction. He stalked down the hallway, and headed for the Gryffindor wing. He paused outside the door to her private rooms. He could see light, but he couldn't hear any movement from inside. He knocked. No one answered. But, there was a shadow of movement. Severus knocked again. And again. And yet again. Still no answer. However, someone was definitely moving around in there. If the little chit thought to ignore him, she was so wrong. He grabbed the doorknob, twisted it, flung open the door and froze.

"Severus! What the hell are you doing?"

"What are you doing? And what is this music you're listening to? It's quite vulgar. Good God, woman, did he just say "I want to fuck you like an animal?"

Hermione, who had been dancing around in her underpants while she unpacked, was holding a rather inadequate throw pillow in front of her near-nakedness. She was glaring rather malevolently at Severus as he stood in her doorway (with the door flung wide open, mind you). He had one brow raised and a rather puzzled expression on his face.

"Severus Snape, you shut that door right now!"

He was a bit dazed by what he was seeing and hearing, so he obeyed without question. She really was magnificent when she was angry and almost naked.

"Now, why are you here? And why did you just come barging in here?"

"Could we turn off the music? Who did you say this was?"

Hermione walked sideways to her stereo and turned it off.

"It's Nine Inch Nails."

He was staring at her legs. Hermione suddenly got a brilliant idea. She dropped the throw pillow on an armchair and sauntered over to her bed where her wand was. Then she turned around and looked at Severus. She nearly laughed and ruined it when she saw his face. He looked angry and very hopeful.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Without waiting for his answer she flicked her wrist and a chilled bottle of wine appeared on the coffee table with two glasses.

"Now, why did you come barging in here without knocking?"

Severus seemed to have regained some of his equilibrium (in other words, he started being snarky again). He scowled rather fiercely at her.

"I did knock. Repeatedly. But I wouldn't have had to if you had been in your office like you said you would be. Instead I had to come traipsing all the way up here to find out what exactly you wanted to talk about in the middle of the night. And..."

Hermione had walked over to him, and he suddenly found it a bit hard to keep from throwing her down and tackling her. He tried to tell himself that he was angry with her, so this violent reaction he was having to her was anger, and had nothing to do with the fact that she was so very tantalizingly close to being utterly and perfectly NAKED! He shook his head to clear it. He didn't want to see Granger naked. Icky, he told himself. That is wrong. Seriously, though, his body did not care one bit as she bent to retrieve the wine and pour them both a glass. Her bottom was just so nice and round and tight. He really wanted to touch it.

"You were saying, Severus?"

"Don't call me Severus. Professor Snape, that's what I want you to call me. Not Severus, not Snape, Professor Snape."

She smirked as she handed his glass to her.

"Well, Professor Snape, no need to get in a huff. I'm sorry about not being in my office. I waited for about an hour, and when you didn't show, I figured you had forgotten or simply weren't going to come. So, I came up to my rooms and decided to unpack. I put a silencing charm on the door, but I must have forgotten to lock it. With my music up so loud, I didn't hear you knocking. And I was getting ready for bed, so that's why I was dancing around in my panties."

She took a drink of wine. She really was beginning to feel thirsty. Maybe inciting Snape's wrath (or was it something else?) was not such a good idea. Especially when she saw all the heat in his eyes. Surely he wasn't...he was! He thought she was hot! Her face must have shown her surprise, because he quickly shuttered his eyes.

"What, Miss Granger?"

"Professor."

"What?"

"Professor or Hermione. I told you earlier. If you keep it up, I'm going to call you Sevvie for the remainder of my time here, and everyone will think that you are my Sevvie Pooh, and I am your Honey Muffin."

He looked shocked speechless. Hopefully he realized she was dead serious. She would do it.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

She nodded.

"Fine. Now, Professor, what did you want to talk to me about that was just so important that it- FOR MERLIN'S SAKE PUT SOME FRIGGING CLOTHES ON!"

Hermione had bent to scratch her knee (which is OK when you have an itch, unless you're nearly naked.) and her breasts had just about burst forth from her bra. Not to mention that at his height, Severus could very clearly see her pert little backside up in the air as she bent over. Hermione snapped up, eyes wide as he yelled.

"Well, seeing as how this is my room, and I sleep naked, you should probably leave before you have an attack of apoplexy and die. Good night, Professor. We'll talk in the morning about my lesson plan. I'd like to get some shut eye."

Severus spun around and wrenched open the door, slamming it behind him. Great. Just great. Now he knew she slept naked. It was time to come to terms with it. He didn't like her, didn't want to be around her, but he did want to touch her. A lot. Blast it!

Hermione sank down onto the bed. Gods, but that man was something else. She hated how he was always in a bad mood, couldn't be in the same room with him without wanting to scream at him, but boy oh boy did she want to lick him all over. Damn him.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, so chapter 4 was a hit. Good. I'm glad you guys are with me on the whole "kinda-gotta-keep-them-waiting-and-frustrated" thing. I am so so so happy most of you like it.

Here's another chapter for your reading pleasure.

Big old disclaimer here. I don't own nothin'.

Chapter 5

Hermione rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. The morning sun filtered in through the curtains. She felt like curling up into a ball and dying. What on earth had possessed her to prance around in her knickers? She liked making Severus uncomfortable, and angry, but there were other ways of doing that. She could give him an itching potion, or put flyers with his baby picture on them all over the school. That was so immature, though. Just like her stunt last night was. She smiled a bit to herself. She'd definitely gotten a rise out of him. That was something. Feeling a little bit better (but apprehensive about her next encounter with Snape) Hermione got out of bed and started her day.

Severus was already up and about. He was prowling the hallways, trying to catch the students not going to Hogsmeade in some rule-breaking activities. He was irritated, frustrated and just plain fed up with every student he had ever, or would ever, have. He swept angrily around a corner and sent someone sprawling to the ground. He looked down in fury and saw that it was Granger. Perfect.

"Miss Granger, might I suggest, and not for the first time, that you watch where you are going?"

She sat on the floor and glared up at him.

"I usually do watch where I'm going, Severus, unless some overbearing oaf decides to hurtle around a corner and knock me airborne. Now, if you'd kindly help me up, we can discuss my lesson plans."

Hermione held out her hand and waited for him to pull her up. She waited a while. Then finally he sighed (like by helping her he was putting aside some very important life's work when all he'd been doing was being snarky to the poor children) and grabbed her hand, pulling her up. He did not, however, let go immediately. Indeed, the charge running from their joined hands seemed to hold them spellbound (they weren't hexed, though). Severus looked into caramel swirled eyes, Hermione looked into onyx depths and then...they both felt extremely awkward and broke the contact.

"Well, then...uh...let's go to my office since its closer."

Hermione nodded as he spoke, and then followed him as he turned and headed toward his office. They stepped inside the classroom, and she felt some of her embarrassment ebb away. It was exactly like him. Dark, gloomy, scary and just a little bit mean. Gods, but she'd hate to see his color scheme in his private rooms.

He sat behind his desk and waited. Hermione almost sat in one of the students' desks, but decided that as colleagues they should be on a more level ground. So, she perched on his instead.

"Alright, here's the deal. I don't want to go over potions that the students have already learned about. I don't want to go over potions that are too advanced either. So, I was thinking, if you let me have the lesson plan you prepared for your Potions classes this year, before I took over the post, I could just stick to that. Easier in the long run for me, and you would know that the students are working at their ability level, or close to it. What do you think?"

He was looking at her like she had just announced that she was going to fly with her magic skunk to the moon in order to procure moon berries so that she and said skunk could cure cancer. Alright. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He obviously wasn't in a sharing mood.

"Well...you just think about it, will you? Get back to me later."

Hermione was almost to the door when he spoke.

"Granger. I'll bring my lesson plans to you later this evening. I will knock on your door. You will answer, with your clothes on. There will be no music on about "fucking like an animal." I will give you the lessons, you will read through them, and you will come to me if you have any questions. Other than that, we will avoid each other, because you annoy me, and I seem to anger you."

He stood up, walked to the door and opened it for her. She stood there, looking at him speculatively. For a long time. It was making him uncomfortable and he felt the urge to squirm and look in a mirror to see if there was something on his face.

"What?"

"I'm going to bug you until the day I leave, Sevvie Pooh. So, why don't you just S.I.U. Do you know what that means? Suck it up. You have just made me want to make your life miserable. So, guess I'll see you tonight, schnookums. Around, say eight? Can't wait! Until then, my little schmoo."

Hermione knew full well that she had spoken that last bit (the part with all the pet names) loud enough for the passing students to hear her. The door was open, so it was quite easy for them to see who she was talking to. It would be around the school in a matter of hours, that Professor Snape let Professor Granger call him her little schmoo. She skipped a little as she left Snape gaping after her. Life was alright.

"I'll deal with you later, Granger! Just be glad I can't give you detentions anymore!"

Severus fairly growled at the students who walked past him. He was going to kill her.


	6. Chapter 6

Some juiciness is in order, I believe. Read on, you readers, you!

Who owns the characters? Why, J.K. Rowling, of course. (That was for the benefit of all the lawyers reading this. Hello lawyers.)

Chapter 6

Severus had been hoping that none of the students had actually heard what Granger had said to him. And even if they had, he had hoped they would be too terrified of him to say anything about it. He was dead wrong. Giggles and whispers assaulted his ears. Conversations ceased as he passed the tables. Albus's goddamned twinkle was twinkling quite twinkily at him as he took his seat. Even Minerva looked as if she were holding back a laugh (although to some it looked as if some more fiber in her diet wouldn't be amiss, instead of her facial expression being due to suppressed mirth). Severus scowled fiercely. Then, the chair beside him was pulled out from the table, and she sat down. So, she had actually dared to show her face. He looked at her and wanted to strangle her, and then kiss her, and then strangle her some more, but then kiss her and stroke her, but then str-

"OK. Enough. I get it."

"Did you say something, Sevvie Pooh?"

"It was nothing I was just talking to my- Shut up, Granger!"

Hermione bit her lip to keep from bursting into raucous laughter. Did he realize he had just screamed at her in front of the entire school? Maybe not yet, but it would come soon. Yes, wait...no...well...Yes! There it was. Realization dawned on Severus! He groaned and stared mutinously into his pumpkin juice, wishing he had something stronger.

"Aawww. My poor little schmoo. Don't be embarrassed. I'm sure this will all blow over soon."

Hermione reached over to pat his hand. As soon as their skin made contact, she felt as if the breath had been stolen from her body. Her eyes widened, her breathing grew rapid, and she felt a bit tingly (like when you run around in your socks on the carpet and you get all that static electricity built up until ZAP!). If she hadn't been so intent upon not letting Severus see her reaction to his touch, she might have noticed that his reactions were very similar. Coming to herself, Hermione took her hand off of his and concentrated on keeping a light and airy demeanor. She continued to chat (even though he was giving her the silent treatment) and eat her noon meal.

"You know no one will take this seriously, Professor Snape. There is no way the students would actually think that you and I could ever possibly be involved romantically. I mean, look at our history. You obviously despise me, always have. I, while I believe that you are a wonderful teacher and I realize the sacrifices you have made, do not find the idea of being a participant in an affair with an ill-mannered, pompous and somewhat ill-tempered man, enticing in the least."

Lies! All lies! You big liar! Her conscience was screaming at her. She looked at her stew and took a bite. Mmmm...good...I like stew...yes I do...doodly doo...she was trying desperately to not think about what a bold-faced LIAR she was. So enamored with her stew was she that she nearly toppled out of her chair when she felt a hand on her thigh.

"Ah, yes, Professor Granger. You are certainly right that the students will recall our dislike for one another. However, you must be the first to admit that appearances can be very deceiving."

His hand slid in a firm caress down to her knee, and then he stood.

"Until eight, my little honey muffin snuggle bear."

Hermione choked on a carrot as he walked out of the Great Hall. He had practically shouted that last bit. And this time, he had left her with a mouthful of food, unable to reply to his outrageous parting words. Honey muffin snuggle bear, indeed! She glared at a chunk of beef. Grudgingly, she had to admit that for a snarky bat, he certainly knew how to string together a hugely embarrassing pet name.

Severus went to Hermione's rooms at eight o'clock, as agreed. He had his lesson plans in hand as he knocked on the door. She answered promptly, was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and she had chosen music that did not offend his ears.

"I was thinking you might decide to "forget" about this meeting as well, Professor. Would you care for anything to drink?"

His eyes flashed with lust as he remembered that the last time she had asked him that, she had been very nearly NAKED! Good Lord, I am insane. Absolutely insane. Who cares if she was almost naked? Not me. I sure don't. At all.

"If you have any wine..."

"Certainly. Red or white?"

"Red."

"I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable."

She left and he sat on the couch, setting his planner on the coffee table. He found himself looking around the comfortable room. It was definitely Granger's. All homey and bright and warm and cheerful. He shuddered to think about what she had done to his classroom and office. She had photographs everywhere. Her and her parents, her and the Weasleys, her and fellow Aurors, her and Albus, her and Minerva...but where was Potter? Surely she would have a photo of the great and wonderful Potter? He looked around more closely. No sign of him. Odd. Very odd. Hermione came back into the room bearing two goblets of red wine. She sat next to him on the couch.

"Is this your lesson plan, then? May I look at it?"

"Look at it later, Granger. I have a question to ask you."

She turned and looked at him warily, taking her gaze off of the book on the coffee table. She looked highly uncomfortable. Good.

"Why don't you have any photos of Potter? I thought you'd have some autographed pictures for sure."

Her eyes flashed green then grey. He hated that. Absolutely hated it.

"And stop doing that with your eyes. Why you felt the need to charm them that way is beyond me. Your eye color was perfectly fine before, and it suited you well."

She blushed. It was rather endearing. Endearing in a hot sexy makes-me-want-to-rip-off-all-her-clothes kind of way, Severus thought.

"You liked my eye color? I like the charm. It's interesting. You don't like it? My eye color changes with my emotions."

"Green is anger? Grey is sad? Blue is happy? So what does your natural eye color mean, Miss Granger?"

"Professor."

He barely heard her. It looked as if she were breathing rather heavily. She had also scooted closer to him.

"Yes?"

"It's not "Miss" it's Professor. And I don't know what brown means."

He breathed in and inhaled her scent. Fresh and crisp, with just a hint of sweetness. He couldn't help it. He leaned in and took her lips with a savage fury. He was angry that she made him feel this way. That she could make him feel at all. He wanted to hurt her, but be gentle with her. His tongue dove into her mouth as she gasped. He tasted wine, and Hermione. She whimpered and that only made him crush her body more firmly to his. He groaned as her breasts pressed against his chest. The clothing would have to go.

"Ahem."

What was that noise? Never mind. Hermione has her tongue in your mouth now. Also her hand is...hmmm. That's terribly nice.

"AHEM."

Snape and Granger broke apart, dazed. A face in the flames roaring in the fireplace caught their attention. It was Ron. Snape growled at Weasley. Ron just looked embarrassed.

"Ron!"

Hermione leaped up and knelt in front of Weasley's floating head.

"Have you found anything out? About anything?"

Ron smiled at her.

"I did."

"And...? Oh! Severus, if you'll excuse us? Its Auror business and-"

"'Mione, he may as well stay."

Snape sneered.

"And why would I want to do that? I cannot recall a single time when I have willingly listened to a Weasley speak."

"You're going to want to this time, Snape. You're possibly the only one who can help Hermione. You see, someone has decided to pick up where Voldemort left off. If you hadn't been with Hermione, and I'll talk to you about that later," he gave Hermione a pointed look, "an Auror would have contacted you anyway. I'm sad to say it, but looks like your Death Eater days aren't quite finished, Snape."


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks so much for all of your reviews! I want this story to be smut-erific, but still have a bigger theme. The smut will happen, be not afraid. So here's a short chapter (I know, but at least it's something.).

Chapter 7

"What do you mean, Weasley? The Dark Lord is dead. He has been for nearly four years. You were there, and so were myself, Potter, Granger and Dumbledore, not to mention Voldemort's Death Eaters, all of the Aurors and the members of the Order. We all saw Potter defeat him."

Ron glanced at Hermione. She shook her head.

"You didn't tell him, 'Mione? Even when you knew he would have to be told?"

"There hasn't been time! I've been getting class ready for the students, having meetings with you, then Dumbledore, and I just-"

She stopped when she saw the look of cold fury on Snape's face.

"So, Granger, you need me to help you and you figured you would butter me up? Show me a little skin and watch me fall at your feet, ready to do your bidding?"

Hermione gasped.

"No, Severus! It was nothing like that! I just didn't know how to tell you, what to say! If you only-"

"Stop making excuses and just tell me what's going on, so I can leave your presence."

Snape's scorn hit Hermione like a slap in the face. She knew she should have told him, but when she had seen him again, all of her buried feelings had come to the surface. Ron must have realized that Hermione was too upset to continue, so he decided to speak up.

"Snape, Hermione should have told you the situation, however, once I tell you, you'll realize how difficult it is to dredge up our past like this."

"Oh, get on with it, already! I have had it with the mysterious bit. Now, tell me what is going on!"

Snape was roaring at Ron by this point. Ron was not, however, as easily intimidated by Severus as he had been in his school days. Not to mention, he wasn't actually in the room with his former professor. Still, he realized the urgency of the situation.

"In the last few months of our seventh year, Harry had found all but one of Voldemort's horcruxes. You remember? By the time the final battle was here, and we all realized that you had not, in fact, killed Professor Dumbledore, when we realized that he was safe behind the veil until that last moment, all thoughts of finding that last horcrux had fled our minds. Our only thoughts were to stay alive, so we could protect Harry until he defeated Voldemort. When Harry destroyed him, the last horcrux still being out there, the last vestige of Voldemort's soul that was still in existence, was the furthest thing from our minds. Harry became drawn, depressed, as if now that his greatest enemy was gone, he had no purpose. At least that's what we thought was happening. Oh, he still spoke to us, did things with us, kept the lines of friendship open, but he was not the same."

Here, Ron took a deep breath. It was as if he were steeling himself for what he was about to say. Hermione remained silent, staring at her hands clenched in her lap. Severus started to feel a bit nervous.

"A few months ago, Harry returned from a trip. This trip lasted a little over two and a half years. He was going to China to "continue some research," as he put it. It was only to last a few months. Instead it was nearly three years...and the professor he was to be assisting told us he never arrived. We -Hermione, myself, my family, Dumbledore- had no word from Harry the whole time he was gone. We don't know where he went, but we do think we know why he left, what he was researching. It has come to our attention that it is information about the last horcrux that drove Harry to disappear for those two and a half years. The resurgence of a person, or persons, intent upon continuing Voldemort's plans by attacking Aurors and the ministry so shortly after Harry's return is disturbing and alarming, and it has led us to one conclusion."

Ron's eyes closed briefly and Hermione took a shaking breath. Severus knew what Ron was about to say. It was so unbelievable, so fantastical...but exactly something the Dark Lord would have done.

"After Voldemort failed to kill Harry with the Avada Kedavra curse, he decided to do something far more heinous. Lily's love may have saved Harry from death, but it could not prevent Voldemort from imparting a shred of his soul into Harry, making him the last horcrux."


	8. Chapter 8

Obviously, huge-ass disclaimer here, folks. I'm not J.K. Rowling, so I don't own a damn thing.

So, I hope you like the new plot-twists. Get ready for some more drama, and dare I say...more action?

Chapter 8

"So...what you're saying is...wait...that can't be, because that would mean...Potter?"

Ron looked terribly sad.

"Voldemort is still alive within Harry. So, we don't think Harry is acting of his own volition when he commits these crimes. Voldemort is probably controlling his mind, not all the time, he's not strong enough to do that, but occasionally when he feels the urge, he makes Harry hurt people. Muggles and Muggle-born witches and wizards. He's also started targeting witches and wizards who are in support of Muggle-borns being treated equally. Harry is probably afraid no one would believe him if he came forward and told us what was going on."

"If this is all true he's probably feeling so alone right now. It just makes me sick."

This was the first Hermione had spoken since Weasley had finished his tale. Severus looked at her pale face and wanted to comfort her, but he felt...used. She had used him. Professor Hermione Granger, Auror and know-it-all, had used him. And, much to his chagrin, he was becoming extremely happy at the thought of her using him some more. Perhaps more thoroughly. Now was not the time, however, to be thinking of Hermione ordering him to bury his face in her sweet, wet warmth and drive her to the heights of ecstasy with his nimble tongue. Now was a time to be thinking about Potter. But not like he was thinking about Hermione. Snape shuddered.

"But we don't know for sure that Potter is, in fact, Lord Voldemort's last horcrux. Potter could just be a demented, traumatized little psychopathic sot."

"Oi! Shut yer mouth you greasy git!"

Ron lost all of his polished speech when he was angry. And berating Harry certainly wasn't giving him warm and fuzzies.

"But...he's right, Ron. We don't know. We want to hope that we're right, and Harry isn't acting of his own volition, but we don't know for sure."

Hermione turned to Severus and he noticed that her eyes were that turbulent grey. That irritated him. A lot. She started to speak but he cut her off.

"Before you say one word, Granger, fix your damned eyes."

She blinked in shock, and then with a murmured incantation, she removed the "mood" charm on her eyes. When she next looked at him, her eyes were shimmering pools of molten chocolate, beseeching him to help. He really wished he hadn't made her take the fucking charm off. Now he wanted to bring her diamonds, puppies, shoes...Hell! Why not bring her a pair of diamond studded puppy shoes? No, she might get upset about them being puppy shoes. He didn't think she'd like the whole killing of cute cuddly baby animals to give her footwear.

"As I was going to say, Severus, that is why we need you. If Voldemort decides to call his Death Eaters once more, we would need you to resume your double agent persona. Since Voldemort never found out you were betraying him you could still pull it off. But only if he is unable to fully access Harry's memories. I know it's horrible, me asking you to do this, to put yourself in danger, horrible pain, but I wouldn't do it unless it was absolutely necessary. You have to know that."

It was on him now. It was up to him to make Hermione sad and upset, or to put himself in a life-threatening and painful situation. He scowled fiercely at her, and she looked so upset, that he knew what he had to do.

"Fine. I'll do it. But I'm not going out searching for him. I'll wait until I'm called."

"Much thanks, Snape. Don't worry about patrolling. I and the other Aurors will be doing that. Along with Hermione. We'll need to keep our friendship with Harry strong. Hopefully he'll confide in us and we can help him. Good, then. I'll let the Ministry know, and I'll be giving you updates every few days, 'Mione. Keep Snape informed."

In a flash of green flames, Ron was gone. Hermione and Snape sat uncomfortably together on her sofa.

"I'm so sorry you had to find out like that, Professor."

"I won't lie. It definitely put a damper on the evening. I think I'll go to my chambers now. Good night, Professor Granger."

He stood to leave, and Hermione stood as well. He walked to the door and she followed. Neither opened it.

"So, you will keep me updated on your meetings with Weasley and I will let you know if my Mark begins to...behave strangely."

Hermione nodded.

"Keep those lesson plans. As I'm not teaching Potions, you can have them for the rest of the year."

Hermione nodded again.

Severus's mind was screaming "Awkward! Awkward! Awkward!" at him. So, apparently they were going to pretend nothing had happened, they hadn't kissed, she hadn't used him, he didn't still have a partial erection. He reached for the doorknob.

"You know, I was going to tell you, but I was afraid of what you'd say. I know you don't like Harry. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't kiss you, because I definitely did, and you were really kissing me back, and in case you haven't noticed (supremely impossible) you have definitely got an erection."

Snape gaped at her. Then he blushed. Granger was blushing, too.

"So, I respect that you felt a bit like you were being used, but you weren't. What I was doing when I kissed you I was doing purely for me. A little bit for you, too, I guess. So what I'm trying to say is, if you would perhaps like to maybe try that again sometime when we won't be interrupted by Ron, I think I might like that. And could you not call him Weasley? He has too many siblings for you to just call him Weas-"

Severus groaned as he walked up to Hermione and silenced her with his mouth. He already had one headache. He didn't need two. His tongue swept into her honeyed mouth and he shuddered when he felt her grip his shoulders and press herself against him. Without breaking contact, he walked her backwards until her behind came up against the back of the couch. His hand swept down her side, coming to rest on her hip. Not really rest. He was stroking her hip, just above the low waist of her jeans. He wanted to be in her jeans so badly. (I personally think he'd look quite ridiculous in Hermione's pants, but if that's what he wants...) He felt her unbuttoning his robes. He lifted his lips from hers. She was working feverishly, trying to get him undressed as quickly as possible. He bent and swirled his tongue around the shell of her perfect little ear. He really enjoyed her ears. They were nice. He bit her earlobe, eliciting a moan from her. Both of their breathing was coming in pants and gasps now. She pushed his robes off of his shoulders and they pooled at his feet. She groaned in frustration as she saw all of the buttons on his white shirt.

"For Merlin's sake, Severus, I have waited for nearly five years to get you in this position, and a few others and you have to wear fucking 500 million buttons!"

"Five years? Really? But you were still a student! Not entirely proper, having fantasies about your Potions Professor, eh, Miss Granger?"

Her fingers fumbled a bit as he called her "Miss Granger." He was using that silky-yet-snarky tone, the one where he kind of snarled at you, so it was a bit scary, but oh-so stimulating. Finally his shirt was off. She ran her hands over his sculpted chest. He was so pale, but his surprising manly muscles made up for his pastiness.

"I think that I would like you to call me "Hermione" while we do this, Severus."

She bent and bit one of his nipples. Her words and teeth made his cock strain against his trousers. He grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and whipped it over her head. He barely glanced at her lacy white bra as he unfastened it and threw it across the room.

"I believe that can be arranged...Hermione."

He kneeled in front of her, unbuttoning her jeans, sliding the zipper down, skimming them over her hips and off. A sudden thought occurred to him as he stared at her panties (or what she called panties. The tiny scrap of white lace in front and the little strings around her hips and the center of her buttocks weren't enough for an eyepatch, let alone enough to be called panties. He didn't see the point of them at all.)

"Are we just going to use each other for sex, then? I mean, we're not friends, we don't really like each other, and so is it just some animal attraction that we have to act upon? No strings?"

Hermione looked down at him. He was worried about whether or not she had ulterior motives. She nearly laughed. (She didn't though because she was terribly frustrated having him on his knees between her legs, and all he wanted to do was talk. I'd be a little frustrated myself.)

"Severus, I don't care if you declare an undying devotion to me. Right now, all I want you to do is take my panties off of me and fuck me with your tongue before you fuck me with your cock. The more I say fuck, the randier I am, so if you don't want me to tackle you, get to it, and quit being such a girl."

Severus needed no more encouragement.


	9. Chapter 9

Just read this chapter…I'll explain everything at the end. I'm sure you'll have questions and some WTF moments. I want to assure you that everything will be fine. Remember, I told you to "be not afraid." I would never hurt you, my little punkin muffins!

Chapter 9

Hermione was ready to scream. If Severus didn't shut up and do something, like lick her or touch her, soon, she would kill him.

"Please, just touch me. Kiss me, but no talking."

"Alright."

He leaned closer to her femininity. Hermione closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She knew this was going to be wonderful. Severus was so close to tasting her. He wanted her so badly. Just a few more millimeters...

CRASH!

He jumped up and knocked Hermione over the back of the couch. She landed on the floor with a thud.

"What was that? It came from the hallway. Whoever is out there will be getting months of detention!"

He was straightening his clothing. His shirt gaped as he opened the door and Hermione scrambled back into her clothes. Unfortunately, Severus did not look down when he stepped into the hallway. Thus, he tripped over the downed female laying there. After landing on her he reared up to say something cutting, no doubt. He stopped suddenly when he realized that the woman beneath him was beautiful. Her hair was honey-colored and fell in long waves. Her eyes were hazel, mossy green with some grey and gold glints and flecks. She had a lovely little nose and her pouty pink lips were so very soft looking. And from what he could feel of her body, it was a very nice one. Very nice indeed. The erection he already had from Hermione was also still in very…proud evidence. He helped the stranger to her feet, just as Hermione came to the door.

"Oh, I am so sorry. I'm such a klutz. I was just trying to get as much in at a time as I could. Minerva said I could use this room until I spoke with the professor I'll be assisting about my room arrangements."

Hermione realized she had indicated the room next to hers. Then she noticed all of the stuff strewn about the hallway.

"Minerva, eh? Who are you? Who are you assisting?"

Hermione glanced at Severus with a smirk. This chit with the strange accent was already using the professors' first names. That wouldn't last long, especially with Snape. Hermione was still waiting for him to give the girl some sort of set down that would have her in tears. She turned to look at him fully. He looked like a drunken idiot!

Severus was definitely ogling this girl. His glassy wide eyed, stupid puppy expression made Hermione furious (and rightly so!). The new girl didn't seem to notice, though. She smiled up at him, oblivious.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! My name is Cindy. I'll be working with Severus Snape. I have to get 2 years of DADA classroom aid in before anyone will consider me for the position. Do you know Professor Snape?"

"I am he. But, aren't you a bit young to be considering DADA Professor as a career?"

Another sweet smile. Hermione threw up a little bit in her mouth.

"I got all O's on my NEWTs and I graduated from university a year and a half early, so I am a bit young. I'm 21 and most witches and wizards don't apply to teaching positions until they're between 24 and 30."

Hermione almost choked. All O's? How? Even she hadn't pulled that off. Severus looked impressed.

"All O's? You must have such a brilliant mind."

Cindy and Severus apparently didn't catch onto the sarcasm, but Hermione was definitely thinking "mouth" instead of "mind."

"Well, Albus didn't tell me about an assistant. When did this come about?"

Severus was beginning to look more confused through the vague air of puppyness he'd been exuding. This delighted Hermione. She smirked at _Cindy _as she thought of the set down the poor little assistant was about to get. It never came.

"I only got a letter a few days ago. The Headmaster said that with you helping the new Potions Professor I was to be on hand for any other tasks you may have, whether it was lesson plans, grading or anything else you required."

Was it Hermione's imagination, or had _Cindy's _gaze landed on Severus's crotch when she said "anything else?"

Was it Severus's imagination, or had Cindy's gaze landed on his crotch when she'd said "anything else?"

Hermione glared at the little tart.

"Cindy, you seem much too…adorable to be a DADA assistant. From where do you get that charming accent?"

Secretly (or not so to the interloper), Hermione hated the accent and thought it was atrocious. It reminded her of a movie her mother had made her watch once; "Gone With the Wind."

"Well, I grew up just outside of Atlanta, Georgia. From what I hear, we talk a little funny according to the rest of the U.S."

Here she laughed, tinkling and bell-like. Hermione wanted to vomit. Was this bitch a Veela or something? Severus continued to stray between smitten and confused. Something was definitely up.

"I'm Professor Granger, Potions, and if you have any problems, just let me know. Sometimes it's easier to hash things out girl-to-girl. Men can be so thick sometimes."

Here, Hermione glared at Severus. He looked mildly annoyed at her before he seemed to gravitate closer to… _Cindy._

"Shall we get you settled, Professor…?"

"Oh! I'm so silly! I haven't even told you my full name. Malfoy. Cindy Malfoy. Well, actually, Cynthia Malfoy, but-"

"Malfoy, as in Lucius and Draco Malfoy?"

Hermione was gaping a bit in disbelief. The girl was beautiful, but not Malfoy-platinum-hair-like-a-silvery-moon-god pretty.

"Yes! Do you know them? I'm afraid the American Malfoys are a bit estranged from our English family. My grandfather didn't quite see eye-to-eye with his brother. I believe that would be Lucius's father. Anyway, Grandpa seemed to like the idea of being a Southern gentleman more than being English aristocracy. It suited him just fine."

Both Granger and Snape stared at the girl as if she had grown another head. A Malfoy being unconcerned about class distinction? This girl was becoming increasingly strange.

"I know the Malfoys. Quite well, in fact, and I've never heard mention of American cousins."

Hermione nearly clapped as Severus began to look suspicious. Finally! It seemed his cock (which she had earlier become quite proprietary of) had stopped doing his thinking. Then _Cindy _smiled at him again. Hermione's growl caused Snape to look at her askance before he looked at the pod-person.

"Mama tried to contact Mr. Lucius some time ago, since Draco and I were similar in age, but they didn't want anything to do with us. Something about Daddy being a blood traitor. He didn't marry a witch so that makes me a-? You all call it a "Mudblood," or "Halfblood" or something mean over here. Anyway, Daddy wasn't too keen to his family being "spit on by uppity Brits" so we left it alone."

Unfortunately, as Hermione noticed Severus getting incensed by the prejudices the Malfoys had shown their own kin (yet again), she felt her own ire rise. Children should not be blamed for their parentage, and a man and woman should not be blamed for loving each other outside of race or class distinctions. Granger quickly squashed her anger at society and decided to just dislike the girl on general cheerfulness and perkiness. No one was that perky without nefarious intentions. Hermione's eye narrowed as she studied the interloper.

"Well, at least let us help you with your things. You seem to have brought every bit of flotsam you owned from Georgia."

Cue tinkly bells and Hermione wanting to shove sharpened pencils into her ear drums. Instead, she gritted out a smile.

"I just didn't want to feel like I was missing more from home than I would be. I'm sure it's lovely here and I don't think I'll have trouble making friends (here Hermione rolled her eyes, of course) but coming to a new place and not knowing anyone can be scary."

Severus, at this point, actually looked like he was going to squirt out a few tears. Hermione gritted her teeth and abruptly swept all of _Cindy's _random (and stupid stupid stupid) belongings into the vacant room next to her own. Snape looked at her in surprise and the dumb bint smiled in a friendly way at her.

"Well, Miss Malfoy, better get to bed. Early day and all that. Professor Snape here is a stickler for promptness and I'm sure he'll want to get started early. We'll just finish up our lesson plan tonight and you can have him after breakfast. How's that?"

Cindy looked remarkably pleased to be receiving a snarky git as a welcome gift, but who knew what the hell she was used to in the wilds of Georgia. (No offense to any Georgians, of course. Beautiful country…)

"Good evening, Professor Granger. Shall we meet after breakfast, Professor Snape?"

"Very good, Miss Malfoy."

Hermione narrowed her eyes as he watched _Cindy _close her door. Then she manhandled him into her room for a little chat. Perhaps he would escape with no permanent damage.

AN: Ok. First, I want to say that Cindy (not going to be a romantic lead in the story) is something I felt was necessary. I didn't feel that any other character J.K. had already invented could do what I want her to. Mostly because I have a difficult enough time with Severus actually admitting to feelings for one previous student, I knew there was no way I could do two in one story. She is not normal; something nefarious is definitely going on with her. Is she evil? You'll find that out soon. Will she steal Severus from Hermione? Ultimately, no. You have to know that! It's a SS/HG humor/romance fic. Cindy will add the romantic antagonist that I felt the story needed (I didn't want to throw _another _one of the male characters at Hermione. And I kinda like the idea of two ladies vying for Severus's attention). Cindy may play an important role in the larger plot of V's last horcrux, although I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going with it (I started this story before anything was released about Harry actually being a Horcrux, so, I guess, yay me for being clairvoyant, but it really kind of fucked me up when that's actually what happened *facepalm*). I tried this with several other characters from the books, and none of them really fit in with the direction I wanted to go. Suffice it to say, just take Cindy as she comes. This is not going to become a "Mary Sue ran off with the hero" story, I promise. And there may be some Cindy maiming (definitely!) and won't that be fun for all of us? She's so disgustingly sweet I'm sure you all want to punch her in the neck. Please keep reading! *hopefulsweetCindypuppydogeyes* lololol


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